October 17, 2016

drifting in the current

Amy Owens My Happy Place 2 Comments

I often feel as if I am ‘drifting in the current.’ Some days are spelled out and others are not. Go to work, come home, eat, sleep and do it again. To me this is drifting. While I have lived in Seattle nearly my whole life, with the last 22 years spent in Snohomish, I still don’t feel like I’m home. This could have something to do with being an “empty nester” and that my kids are all technically adults. It could be that I miss the chaos of having so many children in the house, fighting, yelling, laughing, slamming doors, and repeating those ghastly words, “Mommm…. what’s for dinner?” I do miss those days – did I just say that? – Was it my fault? Did I wish those years away?

I remember thinking, ‘I can’t wait for them to be self-sufficient, do their own laundry, clean up their own dishes, drive themselves to school,’ etc. Now they have their own homes, cars, phones, lives and significant others. Is this what I wanted? Time sure flies. I used to wonder how I would get through the day with my babies, picking up Legos for the 18th time, working feverishly to get the Play Doh out of Annie’s hair, and wondering how they could lose an ENTIRE box of Crayola Crayons in less than an hour!

Now I miss those days terribly. Is this why I don’t feel like I’m home? Is this why I feel like I’m drifting in the current day after day, hoping for any sight of land?

Recently, in fact only days ago, I had the pleasure of having my daughter and her fiancee stay with us. I hadn’t seen Jody since April 2016. Now, you might think that wasn’t so long ago, but it was a world away and a lifetime ago to me. In April I traveled to THEIR home in the Caribbean and lived aboard their beautiful sailboat, (named after Peter’s mom, Mary Christine). I spent a month with the kids, and I felt like the luckiest mama in the world. But when they flew away on a big ‘ole plane 3 days ago, I couldn’t even take them to the airport because I knew I would be crying all day if I did. I knew my work would frown on this display of tears. My husband took them, and thank goodness for that. Goodbyes are just plain hard, especially for me. I knew they were going home to my happy place, a place where I feel peace, and for them, I was happy.

The first time I ever went to the Virgin Islands was in 2008 with my husband. We stayed in White Bay on Jost Van Dyke, BVI. It was ON that trip my happy place became apparent to me. See my toes?

Three and a half years ago Jody and Peter set sail in Florida eventually ending up in MY happy spot.  I met them in Puerto Rico and was with them as we sailed from the Spanish Virgins to the USVI, and on to the British Virgin Islands. On January 25, 2005, Kenny Chesney released “Be As You Are ~ Songs from an old blue chair.”  That album resonated in my soul and the lyrics became ingrained in my heart. This is how I found my happy place. That trip was epic for me.

I came home and tried to explain to my kids, my mom and dad and my sisters.  No one really understood.  It was the one place where I felt I wasn’t just floating with the current; I felt like I was home. We were there for only 10 days, but in that time I began to feel my hands again.  Something I hadn’t felt since 1997.  My MS seemed better in this spot.  Each time I go back, its the same. I feel like I’m home instead of drifting in the current.

The kids left to go back to their home in the islands as liveaboards, and are fortunate to have jobs working for a catamaran charter company, Aristocat Charters, in the BVI. While it was sad for me to say goodbye, I feel like I played a small part in their finding this place. During the trip to the USVI, my mom met us on St Thomas. We picked her up and she got to experience the Virgins with me. Now she understands. I’m trying to get my sisters there in 2017, who knows if that will happen though. I’d love to see all my kids there at one time, and perhaps when Jody and Peter decide on their wedding date, we all will be. It has only been a few days and I miss the kids and their sweet dog, Betsy, terribly.

So for the time being, I consent to drifting with the current and being pulled by the tide until I can be in my happy place. The calendar is open and I am actively anticipating my return “home.”

 

Check out the kids’ blog and follow along to see what they are up to; where the coconuts grow!